…we invariably have balls fall!
How often do you hear someone say ‘too many balls in the air.’ Is it really true that we have too many balls in the air? Or, is it that we have the perfect amount of balls in the air and sometimes balls will be dropped as a reality in life? Either way we are juggling balls and not, say, eggs or cell phones so if they fall they don’t break!
If we are fully committed to our families, our communities, our work, and our friends then we will invariably have balls fall. What we have to do is be prepared mentally for this. The you think you can plan for everything then you will be in for a real surprise. I think the headlines in the paper and leading stories on the news illustrate that we can plan but it does not mean that we can have every variable covered.
Yes, balls will hit the ground that we throw up, our spouses toss up, our children heave ho, and so on. Now we have all kinds of balls hitting the ground. It is a juggling nightmare. Yet, we still have some balls up and we are still in the game for those that we care about. It is not the fact that balls are dropping. Rather, are the balls that matter the least dropping. Or, if it is an important ball, figure out how to pick up the right balls.
Forgive yourself early and often if you drop a ball. Each ball dropped is an opportunity to pick up another one and figure out how to keep it in the air. Juggle away. Why not?
What I found is that it created a habit for me in exercise. Just showing up made me better.
Have you ever heard the phrase ‘just show up.’ This phrase can be used in different context based on what one is trying to achieve. If I am throwing a party and need more people there, then yes, ‘just show up.’ Yet in this article the idea is focusing on ‘just showing up’ in life.
I learned this lesson when I was younger and there were days that I did not want to get up and run. Either I was carrying a slight injury, maybe tired, or maybe just flat out lazy. A friend of mine said “just show up. Just run a mile.” What I found is that it created a habit for me in exercise. Just showing up made me better.
In our lives with our families, ‘just show up’ carries much more importance. For our children at a recital or wanting to play in the park; JUST SHOW UP. For our kids when they ask about needing help with homework; JUST SHOW UP. For our spouses or significant others who want to talk or go for a walk; JUST SHOW UP.
In all cases, practice makes perfect. It starts today, however, as you need it for yourself and your family and friends need it from you! Get off of the sidelines and JUST SHOW UP!
I experience those days that perhaps I feel that the relationship is not fair and equal. This feeling can deaden a relationship if it carries from day to day. Typically it is something that bothers me but is not noticed or a big deal for the other person. Reflection is so important when we feel as though we have been snubbed. Were you already having a bad day? Was it something that happened but the person that you snapped at actually had nothing to do with it? Or, was it something that the person said or did and it was an agreed upon safe place that was violated? If it was the last one, then think about the long view of the relationship and not the individual incident. Think of the all the faith and trust in the bank and know that this was a withdrawal but it did not change the long balance of the relationship.
Suck it up, put a smile on your face, and greet the person.
If you don’t, you will merely be running in place.
Trust and faith work hand in hand in relationships regardless of the depth. No doubt, many components of relationships can move it forward or backwards but trust and faith drive both the longevity and fidelity of it. When you are able to look in the mirror and know that you could be trusted in confidence and commitment in your relationship you clearly move towards the high ground. When you have faith that the other person in the relationship is working in good faith then you are creating a balanced and supportive relationship.
So what if you get burned because you acted with fidelity and had faith in the other person only to be disappointed? How you handle this will dictate whether you truly had trust and faith. If your guard was up in your relationship then that would be an indicator of the type of relationship that you were in and required reflection while you were working with trust and faith.
If the relationship did not rise to the level that you expected you know it based on how you value and incorporate trust and faith in your relationships. With billions of people on Earth, you can certainly count on getting burned but it should only help you to grwo in your relationships and not retreat from them.
What do you have to lose?
Relationships, whether good or bad, tight or loose, happy or sad, are exactly that; relationships. The notion that someone ‘doesn’t have a relationship’ with someone is false if he or she knows that person. If you know someone you have a relationship. The question is whether you choose to increase and augment your relationship and whether the relationship is where you want it today and for the future.
Relationships are the equivalent to culture in a business or on a team. All business’ and teams have cultures. The question is not whether a culture exists, but whether the culture is positive, negative, open, closed, supportive, intimidating, healthy, or toxic. Relationships with another person carry these same characteristics. Your choice to engage or disengage will dictate how relationships will stack within your life.
Whether you are sitting in your own room or you are elbow to elbow at a office meeting your relationships start and end with you. This may seem counter-intuitive considering relationships traditionally are between two or more people. Yet, in high school, we learned that conflicts in literature occur as man verses man, man verses himself, or man verses nature. In all three cases, the characters are key to the relationships. You are the character in your own book of life.
When we understand we are the key to relationships we then can make them better. If you are knee deep in conflict then how can you positively affect the outcome? If you feel as if you are ‘doing it all’ in the relationship how can you positively affect the outcome?
Can you think of a relationship that you are not in control? Why is that? These questions are the the intertwining roots to connecting branches.
Simply, why should we have relationships? What is the value of the relationship and if it has value, is the relationship positive? As we think about our relationships, do we think of them as positives or negatives, value added or a personal cost? This is at the heart of relationships and our exploration of these questions for ourselves will drive our future discussions.